I find myself playing a suicide scenario in my head as I take in the fact how I feel unwelcome in this family. I have never felt so low in my entire life these past 3 weeks and counting, the fact that someone who I clearly don’t know took their time to send a message that made me feel worthless and belittle you like its their job to remind all the insecurities you are clearly are aware of. Then it sucks and it came running like a snowball effect because you can’t seem speak out what’s wrong with you and sharing these concerns to your family seems like not a option. With that I became so unmotivated to the point that it annoys my family because all I do is eat, sleep and repeat and I’m that sort whose walang kwenta, the fact that I constantly hear this uttered for the past 3 weeks put me in the position where crying spells are my only consolation. My mind makes me want to retaliate I know that they wanted to save and uplift me up to do something, they just don’t know how to do and ultimately they hurt me so much that right now I feel like my heart is about to burst from all these silent crying. The fact that at a point my younger sister decided to hit me with a belt and kick as she release all her anger towards me that’s when I got so scared because my mom takes it so lightly and just brushed it off and my dad is just as annoyed as my sister for me doing nothing at home that’s when I know I needed an escape….I can’t go anywhere so I guess this is my last refrain. I like living but I don’t think I’m equipped enough in this lifetime maybe on my rebirth I could just be a tree or a flower showing how beautiful the world could be…guess this is my final refrain.